There
Is No Dog
Meg
Rosoff
Puffin
2011
Meet
Bob. Teenage, male, over-sexed and under-appreciated (well, if you
ask him), often troublesome, perennially petulant and...
oh yes, God. Certainly, the fact that Bob is behind creation explains
an awful lot about the state of the planet, never mind the sorry
lives of those who live upon it. After a rather hurried spurt of
creation several millenia ago, Bob has rather lost interest in earth.
In fact, he finds it all rather boring. Particularly the prayers –
all that moaning. In fact, the only thing that
really keeps Bob going is the fact that he managed to create quite a
lot of gorgeous girls and he's just spotted the most beautiful girl
of all. Enter the lovely Lucy, who has no idea what is headed her
way. Unfortunately for the rest of mankind, Bob long ago tied Earth's
weather system to his emotions so with love (well, sex) in his sights
there is literally a storm brewing. Watching over Bob is his
assistant, the long suffering Mr. B, his erratic mother (who won
earth for Bob in a poker game), calm, cool and collected Estelle and
a curious creature named Eck – doomed to die (having been lost in
yet another poker game) and dreadfully upset about the whole thing.
Bob
really is the most horrid of characters. Gob-smackingly selfish in
the way that only certain teenagers can truly manage, he's really
quite, quite vile. His lack of interest in his creation is absolute.
Not only that, but he's pretty pissed off that Mr. B seems more
concerned with mankind's plight than with Bob's lovelorn existence.
It's all about them and never about him which
he considers to be exceptionally unfair. Many characters, no matter
how unlikeable, are redeemed by love – their passion shining light
upon hitherto unseen realms of care and hope. Not Bob, his passion
merely makes him more selfish and, much like his 6-day creation
spree, his pursuance of Lucy shows a distinct lack of forethought.
Towards the end of the book, it is possible to feel the odd twinge of
sympathy – he is terribly lonely, and he has been that way forever
but each twinge is tempered by his inward-looking self pity and one
can't help but think he's really brought it all on himself. And
everyone else.
Conversely,
Mr. B cares for Earth very much indeed. Every day, he sits at his
desk and shifts through file upon file of prayers debating action.
Mentally (he's just about giving up vocalising anything to Bob) he
wonders just what God was thinking when he got to work on Earth.
Having watched Bob's creation with confusion, worry and occasionally
wonder (Bob does have his moments, after all) he himself created the
whales, whom he now worries about desperately as their soulful voices
lift in prayer. He's a truly brilliant character, kind yet cutting,
beleaguered yet not uncaring – really, it's completely believable
that he's been able to stomach God for an eternity without killing
him... not something you'd necessarily think possible having met Bob.
Also, to my mind, he's clearly Bill Nighy.
The women of the story are all very different. God's mother, the gambling Mona, is at once entirely irresponsible, vaguely useless but also loving, albeit in her own peculiar way. Estelle is powerful, clever and the kind of character one might actually give a planet to – her concern over Eck's plight is both lovely and imbued with hope. Eck, for the record is entirely adorable (and stuck firmly in my head has Gorey's Doubtful Guest).
Then
there is Lucy. Lucy is every bit as lovely as Bob imagines her
to be (I say imagine because he doesn't actually spend very much time
listening to what she's got to say). She's at that striking age where
young women are at their most beautiful and least aware of it. She's
also a happy character, if a little naive and completely unprepared
for seduction by heavenly being (which makes a change from the
protagonists of a zillion of those angel books).
With
her simple premise ( simple, yes, but also genius) and these
compelling characters, Rosoff has, once again pulled another
brilliantly original rabbit out of her literary hat. While There
Is No Dog is often extremely funny (a must for fans of the
Pratchett/Gaiman collaboration, Good Omens) it also has
true pathos and invites thought on creation, Earth, mankind and the
nature of both God and faith. One imagines that, if there is a God,
he might often look at his creation in slight desperation – let's
just hope he's not actually a teenager because then we are all well
and truly screwed. As with her previous work, Meg Rosoff's writing is
beautiful and her storytelling skill nigh on unmatched. While There
Is No Dog is perhaps closer in style to Just In
Case rather than, say, How I Live Now there
are moments of not only levity but also of dark despair, utter beauty
and true magic. It has been a long time since a book captured my
imagination as this one has and I highly recommend it – buy the
hardback, it's gorgeous and will look even prettier on your
favourites shelf, which is exactly where it will end up.
There
Is No Dog is published on 1st September. Thank you to Penguin
for providing me with a copy of this title to review.
For
UK based bloggers, There
Is No Dog will also soon be on tour at UKBT
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