The Mountains of Instead

Championing fiction as an escape from pandemics, politics and bad TV.

Surviving The Zomb-pocalypse

It's one of life's great questions, isn't it?  Were the zombie apocalypse to befall us, what would we do to escape the ravenous hordes?  I think that, if nothing else the past week has proven that it is indeed an ever present possibility. Here are some suggestions from the far-sighted folk that have given it some thought...

I will stay wherever I am! It's always the golden promise that there are no zombies somewhere else that gets people killed! So after my initial trip to the mall/gun store, where I would stock up on flame throwers, grenades, and machine guns, food, and some really thick leather clothing, I'd wait it out. I always wondered why the people in stories didn't just armor themselves a bit. Make it difficult for the zombies to actually bite me! Then I'd sit back with some cocktails and barricade myself (and hopefully a couple other people (unless they were the restless sort) and pick off any zombies nearby from upstairs windows or the roof. I know, eventually, I'd probably have to go out for more supplies, but I think I'd at least last longer than most this way...”


"I can run faster than my hubs plus he is rather chunky so would keep the zombies occupied for long enough for me & kids to escape."

"Based on the numerous zombie movies I've watched, I have a pretty good idea of what my zombie survival plan would entail. Are we talking those new-fangled running zombies? Because if that's the case, I'm dead just about immediately. Those suckers are scary. If we're talking about your run of the mill, shambling undead I could probably hold my own. I would do everything in my power to find an armored car (and convince someone else to drive while I hide in the more protected back). Being that bullets eventually run out, I would always carry a machete. Those are easy to find, right? As for living arrangements, I would want a large, easily secured place with few windows. Like a mall. Unfortunately, malls around here don't have a lot of food, so I'd have to bring my own. All the weapons in the world won't protect me from starvation. I'd be kind and allow others to take refuge in my mall, but I wouldn't risk my safety or whatever remained of my family (sadly, I don't think my kids or my parents are cut out for the zombie-apocalypse lifestyle), so I would be more than willing to shoot zombies and any other dangerous people in the head. I refuse to share my mall with people who are using the zombies as an excuse to brutalize others and let's face it, for some reason criminals seem to thrive in post-apocalyptic worlds"

"It all depends what you mean by 'survive'. Sure, I could barricade myself in a cellar with a six month supply of tinned food, but I don't think the zombie apocalypse is going to go away while I'm hiding from it. And I'm not exactly the slaying type, so... If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Brains, anyone?"

"When my friend Jeff and I sit on my roof at night, we often talk about how we would survive the zombpocalpsye. We are lucky in a way, and unlucky in others. We will have my house, which is a 5 1/2 storey monster towering above the neighbours’. We also have motorbikes, which are almost as good as bikes for getting away from slow-shuffling hordes. This is our luck. Our unluck is being in the middle of a city of 8 million, a staircase made of concrete (Mr Brooks is very firm about staircase destruction in his survival guide), and being in a city of 8 million. Yes – that is so important it’s worth mentioning twice (thanks for letting me steal that line Kryten). So…how to marry luck and unluck together for a fruitful marriage of survival in the centre of Ho Chi Minh City??
  • Stock up on food, but not too much. We are not staying in the middle of this hellhole for long, and leftovers should be taken with – who knows what the countryside will be like.
  • Gather weapons and intel on the bikes. We need to kill them, but we also need to know where they are gathering – indeed, we may even lure them into traps or places far away from home to help with escape part 2.
  • Petrol for bikes, and bikes. They may look like shit, but the old manual scooters are tough. Nothing shiny or automatic – they’re too heavy and too reliant on electronics we can’t fix
  • Work out a route through the houses. I live in an alley complex riddled with small lanes, houses, and far too many blind spots. We need an escape route through/above them so any following zombies cannot follow to the house. It will be our haven whist preparing for escape part 2.
  • Prepare for escape part 2. Pack food and weapons into our backpacks. We’re in the tropics – water will be ok. Extra petrol for the bikes stashed on the back racks. The rest we’ll drain from abandoned bikes on the way (if we can).
  • Get outta dodge. First light. Jeff, me, supplies, bikes. We’re going to head to Cu Chi. After all, we’re stuck in Vietnam – those old war tunnels have got to be good for something. Jeff speaks Vietnamese – maybe they’ll let us in". Astrid                              

"How would I survive a zombie doom? Pray that there would be unicorns to save me! And hope that I don't meet a zombie-unicorn...

Well, I am sure that this leaves you with much to ponder.  As for me, I figure that as I live in Scotland I will hole up in one of the numerous castles - preferably with some sort of armour plated truck that I could use to raid local supermarkets, mowing zombies down on the way.  Eilean Donan would be my castle of choice. Just one entrance route to defend, y'see... And grassy bits, so I could growing vegetables and stuff.  
So I'm sorted - are you?  Is this really something you want to leave to chance?  Nope, thought not - share your plans with us in the comments.  Oh, and good luck...


Lauren said…
I laughed my a** off at Emma's answer. Sneaky, but I like it. :D
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